Dumb Dumb Dumb

Below is the conversation I should have had with the nice hard of hearing man at Ikea that I believe to be single. I shall play the part of smart single Stephanie, or in other words, the woman I was not tonight:

Nice Man: Hi
Stephanie: Hello
NM: I should have looked to see how much these weigh before I chose them.
SJ: Need some help lifting it into your trolley?
NM: That would be great. Thanks.
SJ: No problem.
(Pause to lift the bookcase into the trolley, it is fair to note that this is the larger version of the bookcase that I have been saving up to buy.)
NM: Hmmmm. I wonder how I am going to get these into my house with no help. (This is the point where SJ decides this man is single.)

The above actually all happened; below is what I now should have said and the conversation now continues only in my mind until a certain point... you will know it because it will cease to be in italics and will again be black.

SJ: Do you live alone then?
NM: Yes I am single but I am looking for a nice woman like you to fill the cavernous gap in my life.
SJ: Well it just so happens I am single too. I also noticed you are wearing hearing aids, I know sign language!
NM: Really? You are too good to be true. Would you like to maybe have dinner with me sometime?
SJ: Absolutely. Thank you for asking me. I am free Friday night.
NM: Here is my email address, will you send me an email so we do not have to use the relay service? Also do you like Chicago Dogs? I know a place in Midvale that serves Chicago Dogs. They are so good.
SJ: Yes I love Chicago Dogs!! I just had Chicago stuffed pizza with a friend. By the way, my name is Stephanie.
NM: Nice to meet you my name is (Insert the perfect name here)
SJ: (giggle) Okay I will talk to you soon.

NM: Thanks again for your help.
SJ: You are very welcome.
NM: Have a Happy Thanksgiving
SJ: You too (insert charming smile here)

(Stephanie then walks away to look at another isle for some wall shelving units. Then down another isle for a table top. Both of which are out of stock in the color desired.When she turns around the nice charming man who should one day be the father of her children standing at the end of the isle. He gives Stephanie a cute smile.)

NM: Oh hi again, would you mind helping me lift something else?
SJ: Not a problem at all.
NM: I really should have looked at the weights.
SJ: I don't actually think they are listed on the display units.
NM: Hmmmm, maybe they should list them. (chuckle)

Both lift the table into the trolley.

SJ: I am really looking forward to seeing you again on Friday (calling him by his super perfect name.)
NM: Me too. Thanks for your help. My mom told me I would meet a nice girl one day who was strong, liked Ikea, and knows sign language.
SJ: (little giggle) Well that is me, Ikea is my Mecha.
NM: I really like your very short hair, it is almost like you shaved it to be suportive of someone close to you who has cancer. You look great.
SJ: (blushes) Thanks, I usually keep my hair short, just not this short!

SJ: Do you need any help with anything else? I am about ready to leave.
NM: No thank you for all of your help today.
Nice man gives Stephanie a High-Five.

Nice man gives Stephanie a not-at-all-creapy-I-just-met-you hug.

Thus ends the narative of what should have happened tonight if Stephanie did not talk herself out of properly intrucing herself to the nice man at Ikea.