The Phantom Text

You know the one I am talking about right? You get a text from someone who is not in your address book so their name does not appear ... and you do not recognize their number ... and they seem to be talking to you as if they know who you are ... right? Just what is the protocol there? For example, and I am not saying anything has happened exactly this way, but you get the gist ... italicized voice is the thoughts in my head.

Text received: I was just thinking about you today and hope your day is going great! Miss you!

Huh, I do not know who this is.

Reply: Thanks! Hate to ask but just who is this, please?

Text received: You do not know who this is?

No if I knew who you were I would not be asking you for your name, just saying.

Reply: Sadly no, sorry you seem to not be in my address book.

Text received: Really? Why would I not be in your address book?

How about you tell me who you are so I can tell you why we are not close enough friends for you to be in the address book of the phone my company gives me for work use?

Reply: Your number might not have ported over when I got my new phone.

Text received: Likely story.

At this point either you are so baffled by who it is you do not know, or you are so mad that someone is just being rude and not telling you who they are. Come on, just tell me your name! I would tell you my name if you asked. Things happen. Maybe I have not heard from you in years so frankly I have deleted you from my address book. Chances are we are not friends on Facebook either. Get over it. So I do not reply because I am just tired of the game.

Text Received: You really do not know who this is?

Reply: No, because you will not tell me.

Text received: You are in my address book.

Reply: You are obviously a better friend than I am. I will work on that and grow as a person.

Text received: No need to be rude about it.

No need to be rude about it? How about you tell me who the hell you are and then we can move on and I can tell you if I miss you too? Right now, not so much missing you; rather hoping you would just go away, frankly. Oh and sorry Mom for swearing in my italicized head voice.

Reply: So sorry to offend you by not having you in my address book and asking who you are.

Text received: Want to guess who this is?

Reply: Not really, I would like you to just tell me.

Text received: Oh no this is much more fun!

Fun for who? Or is it fun for whom? I never know the difference. My sister would know. I wonder if italicized voice should ask her, she is in my address book. Want to know why she is in my address book besides the fact we are related? She is in my address book because we talk all the time.

Text received: Why don't you ask me questions and I will answer them.

Reply: Fine, who are you?

Text received: I am me.

Reply: And who are you? Male or female?

Text received: Definitely human.

Reply: You did not answer a direct question.

Text received: It is much more fun this way.

If I were British I might tell you to bugger off at this point. I just saw The King's Speech and I know all the bad words in the King's English. ('Bugger off' as in the light hearted slang between friends telling one to 'leave', and not the more hostile expletive equivalent that Americans use.)

Reply: Right, and I am done guessing. Please have a good day!

Text received: Oh that was no fun. Fine I will tell you who I am.

I am done caring who you are. I did not really care in the first place, I was just trying to be polite by asking. Done caring. I have so many other things to worry about right now like school, work, the play, my real friends who are in my address book, global economy or warming ... both equally important, should I buy a new pair of pants, when can I schedule a time to get my eyebrows waxed, doing my laundry ... I could go on and on of the small things in my life that are much more important to me than who this text riddle is from.

Alright let's be honest, this text conversation did not happen, but this month I have received 4 text from people who are not in my address book. These phantom texts have all come at different times and from different people about different things. One asked me if I wanted to buy some cookie dough for a school fundraiser (I figured out who that was), another told me to feel better soon (also figured out who that was), one was from someone telling me they would be late for rehearsal (I had their number on my cast list so that one was easy to find out) and the last was someone telling they were getting married this summer. I think I know who it is, but they did not respond to my text telling them they are not in my address book. I do not put every contact in my life in my phone address book. I just do not have that much of an interest. That might sound rude, but the more phone numbers in my address book the more I have to scroll through to find the few I actually do communicate with on a regular basis. I am more likely to update my email address book than to put someone in my phone contacts. That is just how I roll.

So am I the only one who gets the phantom text? If not, how do you handle it?